Sunday, January 13, 2013
Single and Set Apart
Gosh, I've gone back and forth. To post or not to post? When I started this blog, I really had no idea which direction I wanted it to take. I read others that I loved but never wanted to be seen as a copy cat or to tie myself down to one particular topic. That being said, up to this point, my posts have been primarily depthless and lacking in any sort of emotional vulnerability. I've been contemplating posting on this topic for a while. Not because I'm embarrassed but because I want to be sure to in no way come across as whiney or needy. So, here goes:
I'm 26 and single. Single as a dollar bill.
To some, this may seem like no big deal. Twenty-six? You're young! You have your whole life to be married -- enjoy it! But, if you lived in my town, you'd be singing a different tune. Most of my friends were married off by 23, at the latest, and are working on kid number 1 or 2. It's been such a blessing to stand beside them through these moments and watch them become wives and mothers. I'm in awe of what incredible strength they've had as they learned to transition into adulthood. And, as happy as I've been to watch them, it's hard for my heart not to ache. Just a little.
When I was 16, my mom encouraged me to start praying for my future husband. So, I did (and have, ever since). I prayed that God would continually prepare our hearts for one another, that He would keep us from giving ourselves away (emotionally and physically) to others too freely, and that He would prepare my husband to be a Godly spiritual leader in our home. In addition to that prayer, I also hesitantly prayed that God would keep that person out of my life romantically until my heart was fully surrendered to Him. What did I mean by that? Well, I knew myself well enough to know that I would struggle greatly with juggling my relationship with God and my relationship with a boyfriend. I wasn't spiritually mature enough to handle both, and I wanted to wait for that relationship until I was ready.
For some perspective:
I grew up in the most beautiful Christian home. I knew instantly that I was loved by many. Great parents, sweet siblings (most of the time...), and solid friends. We had an amazing and thriving church home. I accepted Christ at the age of 8 and have never regretted that decision. Because of my upbringing and early decision to follow Christ, I never went through some earth-shattering transformation. My Christian journey has been a steady climb to know and love God more. Now, that in no way means that I haven't made mistakes or struggled with my walk. I have and will continue to. I'm flawed -- ridiculously flawed, but covered by the grace of God in Christ Jesus. However, just like all believers, I've gone through "mountains and valleys." Those peaks and drops in our spiritual lives. As a teenager, I was searching for God and wanting so desperately to know Him more, and I knew that I just wasn't ready to share my heart with anyone else. It needed to be fully surrendered to Christ before that time came.
If you only knew how many times I've shamefully regretted that prayer. Because, let me tell you, do not ask for something you are not prepared to receive. God hears our prayers. Can I get an amen?
Over the past few years, I've had many opportunities as a single lady. I can't tell you how many weekend getaways I've taken with girlfriends or my family. This past summer, I spent three weeks in Germany with my best friend. I'm able to share my time and my energy in ways that a lot of my friends would never have the chance to. I'm blessed. So blessed. And, I know that God has purposed this time in my life to give me those opportunities and to grow in relationship with Him. This past year, especially, has taught me that. God has begun to grow new things in my heart, and I'm humbled by His mercy and faithfulness.
I really have no idea what direction God has for my life. I have always believed that He has my heart set apart for someone. He has put such a desire in me to be a wife and a mother that there must be someone out there. That He has known all along, if it were in my hands, I'd find a way to royally mess it up. However, this maturity has brought along with it the understanding that, upon accepting Christ, I was set apart for Him. I don't need to worry over the things that God already has under control. My life's purpose is to seek Him above all else. My heart must be fully surrendered to His will and His purpose. My focus must be on His goodness and His grace. My prayer into this upcoming year is to handle my singleness with great joy and poise, understanding that God is good, and He is always right on time.
Posted by Suzanne at 12:03 PM